Today is a bad day! I rescinded on my aspirations. What is it that makes it a success? How do I get out of this awfully frustrating quandary? I have to do it, "I have to do it" is all I can think. I have to succeed, but in this lust of success, I just sometimes loose the reason why I do it. Why do I do it? Because I love it. Because it makes me happy. Because its my passion. I can't live without it. I am in love.
What is this thing that I love much? Its the feeling of creating, the joy of exploring and the struggle of succeeding. I can't help it. Does it make me a slave of my own ambitions? What is this but not a playing out of an obsession. An obsession of perfection. Is it what I like to call it? Or is just a euphemism of a misery, of a deep down perversion?
I want to succeed. I can't live without ambitions. I can't just exist. There has to be something I want, something I want really bad, all the time. I have sacrificed a lot for just this feeling of being ambitious. But its only just moments such as this that I ponder upon, that I look back. These moments are far and spread. I don't like them.
Sometimes I think about talking to my girlfriend when I am down. But I can't, I can't. I can't share. Its hard for me to just let her know. Its easy for me to just treat her as a disposable, but any intimacy is scary. Is sharing, holding is what is meant by being "one"? I may have never answer to that. I will never read this blog in future, for it puts me in a flux. It prevents me from going forward. It asks deep questions.
What is this thing that I love much? Its the feeling of creating, the joy of exploring and the struggle of succeeding. I can't help it. Does it make me a slave of my own ambitions? What is this but not a playing out of an obsession. An obsession of perfection. Is it what I like to call it? Or is just a euphemism of a misery, of a deep down perversion?
I want to succeed. I can't live without ambitions. I can't just exist. There has to be something I want, something I want really bad, all the time. I have sacrificed a lot for just this feeling of being ambitious. But its only just moments such as this that I ponder upon, that I look back. These moments are far and spread. I don't like them.
Sometimes I think about talking to my girlfriend when I am down. But I can't, I can't. I can't share. Its hard for me to just let her know. Its easy for me to just treat her as a disposable, but any intimacy is scary. Is sharing, holding is what is meant by being "one"? I may have never answer to that. I will never read this blog in future, for it puts me in a flux. It prevents me from going forward. It asks deep questions.
